I am puke
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
