You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
