pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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