his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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