FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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