I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
