you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
