i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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