As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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