I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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