I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
