What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
