Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
