Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
