I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
