So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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