Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
