What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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