i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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