You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He passed out mid-signature
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
