she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
sarcasm needs its own font
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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