You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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