You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
