So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
