I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Pooping to opera.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
