captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
