My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
