just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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