apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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