It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
and you fell through a lawn chair
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
