So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
