singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
time to smoke my breakfast
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
