I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
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A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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