I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
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I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
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It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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