I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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