Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
