Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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