He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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