Define "chronic" masturbator.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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