The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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