what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
