I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
