bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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