I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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