Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
