we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
