If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
