"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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