Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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