apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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