Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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