i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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