I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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