i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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