i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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