he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
