I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
