You're so nebulous sometimes
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
