He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
