Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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