a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
