Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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