I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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