That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
