Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
