god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
