I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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