i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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